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Toys are carefully planned investments that companies spend countless hours developing in the hopes that children will use them to foster memories that they'll cherish for a lifetime. But sometimes, they just end up looking like dongs. That's a real toy? It was so disturbing, we assumed it was Photoshop, but here's a video. The video is also disturbing. We came in assuming most of this stuff was just the result of innocent oversight, but this? Why does the projectile have to be coming from his crotch? His chest is free. His abs have a skull-mouth emblazoned across them. If the rocket came shooting out of the teeth of a grinning skull on the Punisher's stomach, that would be terrifying; as it is now it just looks like he's happy to see you To be fair, this was part of a "Shape Shifter" line of toys --basically a Punisher transformer--and we're catching him in mid-transformation we're assuming Frank Castle's transforming capabilities aren't canon.

The Fr-ooze Pop is shaped like a dildo. Fine, you can say that about a lot of food. But if you lick the Fr-ooze Pop enough, a gooey substance squirts into your mouth. And, uh, maybe over there penises work differently?