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Growing Up Grindr: A Millennial Grapples With the Hookup App

Yes, there are conquests, but there should not be too many of them. Few women would want to go over 20, or even 1106, Ms. Babbit said, because they would "think of themselves as big sluts. Lavinthal, an editor at Cosmopolitan, even as she conceded that the title of her book had racy overtones. It might come as a surprise that anyone under the age of 29 would need a definition for a term that has grown as ubiquitous in youth culture as customized ring tones.

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Even datng height, which is really five-foot-seven, is listed as five-foot-nine. Its beauty standards are as unapologetically mainstream — and often racist — as they come: As a freshman in college, I sat at the Washington Square Diner with a female friend during finals week and received a confounding message on Grindr: Sure enough, he looked far older in person than he did on his profile, where his jaw was still chiseled, his hairline intact. His apartment was ridiculously lush, a lower Fifth Avenue penthouse teeming with money and power and plastered in fancy art. But sex is not just about having sex. In this way, the thrill of a Grindr correspondence can be almost pornographic, the kind of sugar high you can acquire without even leaving your apartment.

Is the technology becoming ever more tailored to our needs, or are we tailoring ourselves to match its unsentimental logic? To see if this preoccupation with Grindr was cheating me out of deeper experiences, I went to the Purple Parrot, a gay bar in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, and a welcome antidote to the Big Apple, this past Memorial Day Weekend.